The Onion: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man

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Start your day with our morning show, Today Now! Join hosts Jim and Tracy as they welcome Dave Portman, a real-life Frankenstein's monster.
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53,0000 person ( 3 months ago by hehe251789)

53,0000 person

hahaha,"watch out ... ( 3 months ago by smoose8)

hahaha,"watch out there maybe people like dave here who after your heart"

they all are ( 3 months ago by smoose8)

they all are

This is hilarious ( 3 months ago by wvfisherguy)

This is hilarious

thats fucked up but ... ( 3 months ago by ImmortalJon)

thats fucked up but really funny at the same time

yeah, lmao! ( 3 months ago by Wildrogue)

yeah, lmao!

wen i die, take my ... ( 2 months ago by ripreaperforeva)

wen i die, take my organs as i dont need them when im gone

Who has a hot ... ( 2 months ago by Djamess4)

Who has a hot fantasy...about banking?
Learn MO>

i couldnt stop ... ( 2 months ago by conoly123)

i couldnt stop laughing, the hosts are unbelievable.

this is twisted. lol ( 2 months ago by soapropos)

this is twisted. lol

i had anal cancer ... ( 2 months ago by desolatefix)

i had anal cancer and got the anas from a world famous freedom fighter in africa who i udnerstand had 6 kids and fro that..i am greatfull i can still shit my pants...

This was good, ... ( 2 months ago by generation1313)

This was good, except for one thing...the "dead man's widow" was trying to hold back a laugh at the beginning. she could barely contain herself.

man, how authentic ... ( 2 months ago by haerverk)

man, how authentic those anchors are :D and the format and all is spot on

"We'll be throwing ... ( 2 months ago by atombomb67)

"We'll be throwing knives at child magicians... - "
"I can't wait for that!" ROTF. Tracy Gill is awesome.

"...There are ... ( 2 months ago by Proletar1at)

"...There are people like Greg who might be after YOUR heart." LOL

her body language ... ( 2 months ago by simonjeste)

her body language at 1:27+ was fantastic. "...awkward..."

"heart was ... ( 2 months ago by simonjeste)

"heart was well-love before being TAKEN BY DAVE" ^_^

Right you are, ... ( 2 months ago by simonjeste)

Right you are, Falconhunter90! Heck, watch the "Today NOW!" clip where Tracy Gill interviews a guy who had just written a biography of Tracy Gill -- they show a montage of flashback clips, one from way back in 1997! PROOF! ;)

HA! ( 1 month ago by hiimbrady)

HA!

Great! As long as ... ( 1 month ago by Sereniance)

Great! As long as they live to taunt, they will! And Earl was good for SURE.

lol he survived the ... ( 4 weeks ago by Express44)

lol he survived the crash and in the emergency room they took out his heart while he was still alive thus killing him and saving another life. HOW FUNNY!

"Real life ... ( 3 weeks ago by ranhound)

"Real life Frankenstein" -- LOL

LOL at the stuff at ... ( 2 weeks ago by UkazutoX)

LOL at the stuff at the bottom:
"heart taken from loving father" The greg guy was looking a bit... uneasy there, they do a great job of making this seem real

WHAT, he wants 2 ... ( 4 days ago by Carfer22)

WHAT, he wants 2 hearts? Whats wrong with this guy?

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