Airing Station - Fox
Airing Date - November 23, 2002
Episode - #807
Cast -
Michael McDonald - Stuart Larkin
Mo Collins - Doreen Larkin
Bobby Lee - Chinese Waiter
Ron Pederson - Couple
Christina Moore - Couple
Ron: You know this is the best chinese food I've had in a long time. Christina: Mine's great too! Oh no.. Ron: What? Christina: I hate it when people bring children to restaurants. Doreen: THere we go, Thank you. Stuart: LEt me do it! Doreen: Stuart! This is your first time at a chinese res
taurant! Isn't this fun? Stuart: The waiter's face looked weird. Doreen: Well that's because he's asian! Stuart: Where did his eyes go? Doreen: Well Stuart, they didn't go anywhere. They're just a different shape! Stuart: They look like this, Doreen: Well thats the way that God made him, just
like he gave you the lazy eye. Stuart: I don't have a lazy eye! Doreen: Oh yes you do. Stuart: Well you have grey hair in your danger zone. Doreen: Stuart! Did you peek at mommy when she was changing again? Stuart: NO it was sticking out of your bathing suit at the Mackenzie's pool party. Dore
en: Well, you know what you wanna eat? Stuart: A happy meal. Doreen: Stuart it's a chinese restaurant! They don't make the happy meal! Stuart: THEN I HATE THE CHINESE... Doreen: STUART! That kinda talk is racist! What does momma say about little boys who are racist? Stuart: Little boys who are
racist learn to be racist from their mother. Doreen: That's right.. OhOOHooHohh! Stuart I have never said anything racist in front of you!! Stuart: MMhMM! You said that canadians are wussies, and that black people don't look scary if they keep their hair neat.. Doreen: ALright that's enough! Stu
art: The French are smelly and they can't fight.. Doreen: ALRIGHT STUART ThAT'S ENOUGH!! Stuart: Oh and you said that the Chinese were ugly! Doreen: Forgive my son, we're gonna have him tested.. Waiter: okay.. what are you guys gonna order? Doreen: I will have the eg fu yung and my son will hav
e a nice big bowl of white rice! Waiter: Oh isn't that cute.. Stuart: NO!! NO!!! Waiter: Would you like me to.. Stuart: NOOOoo!! AHHHhh Waiter: Ummm..you guys okay? You guys need anything? Christina: Can we have the check? Thank you.. Doreen: Stuart, mommas gotta go make a little trip to th
e bathroom to make room for more food..Well I'll tell ya what, Stuart: You use your manners too. If it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down. Ron: What movie do you wanna see? Christina: I was thinkin about seeing The Hours.. Ron: I dunno I hear thats just about suicidal lesbians..
Stuart: My aunt Linda's a lesbian. She has short hair. Christina: That's interesting.. Stuart: You have short hair.. Are you a lesbian? Christina: NO! Stuart: My mom said it's okay to talk to lesbians because they take good care of their cats and they have a can-do attitude. Christina: Your m
om is an idiot, and we're trying to eat our dinner in private. Stuart: What are you eating? Ron: Well I'm having the fried rice, and she's having the Pu-Pu platter. Stuart: My mom may be an idiot, but she'd never eat a platter of poo. Christina: SHUT UP! Ron: Stop it! He's just a little kid! C
hristina: OK fine sure. Can we please just go?! Ron: Yeah well let's at least read our fortune cookies.. Christina: Great You will find love if you search for it. Ok. Ron: Wait you're supposed to say Between the sheets. Christina: UGgh. You will find love if you search for it, between the sheets
. Doreen: OHOOH! How dare you come onto your boyfriend, like a cheap street whore in front of my impressionable son! Christina: I was not coming onto him! Stuart: That's because you're a lesbian! Christina: I AM NOT A LESBIAN YOU BRAT! Stuart: I AM NOT A BRAT YOU LESBIAN! Christina: LADY! You
can leave your son at home! Because he is PSYCHO! Doreen: HOW DARE YOU CALL MY SON A PSYYYCHOO! Christina: HE IS HE IS!!! Doreen: Well that was ugly! Stuart: Just like the Chinese! Stuart: LOok! The Lesbian and her boyfriend left behind one of their Fortune cookies! Doreen: Well, Good! You can
practice your reading! Stuart: A child is a joy to everyone.. Doreen: Awww.. Stuart: Between the sheets.. Doreen: OOH! Waiter: Well here we are.. Doreen: What kind of place are you running here mister? Between the sheets! NO NO!! Doreen: STOP! You're going to get a stomach ache!

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